I would never be able to live with myself if something bad happened to someone I love. This is how the dictionary defines recovery: It’s ebbing and flowing with a tenacity learned in the depths of hell, a grip on enjoying all the little things and a determination to not go back to the dark depths. I surmised that this was the case for most “functional” people. Usually when I’m feeling what I’d class as myself I’m able to acknowledge these thoughts, see them for just being thoughts and move on. Murder, or malicious behavior of any kind, did not align with my morals. ©2004-2018 Postpartum Progress Inc. All rights reserved. Let’s look at a couple of strategies to deal with these kinds of thoughts. I had racing thoughts that felt more like dreaded premonitions. It is about arming yourself with a cadre of weapons guaranteed to slay the succubus. Each new tear exposed additional light. It was self-sacrificing, a bizarre token of love that I could offer my family and friends. As Dr. Debra Kissen, a Clinical Fellow at the Anxiety Depression Association of America states, “The same intrusive thoughts that feel so real, all powerful and self-defining when swirling around in your head will disintegrate when said out loud.” The only difference between an intrusive thought that pops into your head and then leaves, and an intrusive thought that is distressing, is how you respond to it. My intrusive thoughts have been recently of “losing control of myself” that feeling of “going crazy” .. it feels like an IMPULSE .. right after and its so distressing. But not all thoughts are meant to be controlled. I am a very logic-minded person and I prefer things to be cut and dry. It’s knowing when you have hit your wall and need to lean on others for support. Stop trying to figure out the perfect way to stop the thoughts and how you can just overcome OCD. I have a family of my own. I have been in recovery for almost 2 years now, and they still creep in. The inky expansiveness, a world without edges, is swallowed up in light. No need for verbose fluff. Recovery is not a discharge notice from a hospital, nor is it the last pill swallowed at the end of a prescription. The veracity of those thoughts overwhelmed me. Thank you so much for sharing your story. And then, something will jog my memory. Most days I do not have any intrusive thoughts. When I was going through severe depersonalization, my mind would not rest. Comparing depression to blindness feels like a cop out, an affront to those with actual blindness. The medicine helps. My problem is I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, and some days my anticipation gets so bad I almost retraumatize myself. Invasive thoughts may take the form of fears of the future, intrusive memories from the past, inappropriate thoughts (e.g. I am a firework. I had a gradual shift in paradigm. The complexity of the question is like trying to explain colors to a blind man. It’s understanding that sometimes, you are gonna feel angry about your mental health and that’s okay. This tiny sliver of strength gave me the encouragement to start ripping out all of my seams. Listen to Editor in Chief Gabriel Nathan read this story: Podcast (mental-health-aloud): Play in new window | Download. Giving me a dx of anxiety, depression, and adjustment disorder. I was trying to coax out ‘lioness’ from ‘lamb’ to no avail. Postpartum Progress®, Warrior Mom® and the Warrior Mom® logo are all registered trademarks of Katherine Stone/Postpartum Progress. Would he be horrified by my admission? False memory OCD is an OCD theme where the sufferer gets an intrusive thought that they’ve done something in the past and the sufferer cannot differentiate whether the thought is a memory or an intrusive thought. The encouragement I can give to others will have to suffice. THAT stays forever. It’s having a support system in place for the bleak days, one that will also be there for the good days. Thank you for writing so honestly about this! We publish a new mental health recovery story each week. Perimeter outsiders have an enviable pragmatism that is unattainable to sufferers. Metro.co.uk spoke with 12 men about what it’s like to live with intrusive thoughts. Your email address will not be published. Taking my anti-anxiety medicine daily and forcing myself to be present and grounded in the moment have made a world of difference when dealing with intrusive thoughts. But once we find someone who has been where we are, we are ripped open and everything comes spilling out as we seek answers and hope. The threat was more imminent due to the close proximity of people in confined spaces. 22 thoughts on “ Anxiety and Scary Intrusive Thoughts Part 1 – My Story ” rachelermutlugmailcom May 29, 2020 at 8:38 am. Today’s post is all about how I overcame my intrusive thoughts and got rid of my anxiety and mental health issues along the way. An explosion of color unfurling a night sky. Your turn. They are impossibilities we set up in our minds, standards most of us will not reach. What is recovery to you? It’s all just “brain junk.” I have struggled with intrusive thoughts since I was 19 (I’m 30) and I didn’t tell anyone until last November. For support, contact your local Mind or call our Infoline on 0300 123 3393. Your email address will not be published. To finish answering why the thoughts are about bad things , you also need to attend to them. Not perfect. The condemnation of others would destroy me. Intrusive Thoughts in Relapse For former addicts, the content of intrusive thoughts may include using or getting drugs, alcohol, or other addictive substances. Acquaintances ask how the downward spiral begins. It’s getting to know yourself SO well that you recognize the difference between yourself and depression/mental illness. Mercifully, I did not go through with it. Take control of intrusive thoughts by learning to diffuse the triggers and manage emotional flooding. Let’s say 4 years from now I want to have another baby, should I expect this to happen again? A spiritual person. My brother knew the contents of my heart better than I did. My dreams were dizzying confusion. We cannot compare our journey to that of others. Katherine Stone is the creator of Postpartum Progress. What if I suddenly lost control of my body? Dysfunctional upbringing? If your intrusive thoughts are really bothering you, it is important to talk about them with someone you trust. As mentioned in Intrusive Thoughts After the Affair: The #1 Obstacle to Recovery, when emotionally flooded, the individual is in a survival state and not necessarily rational.